(Photo courtesy of Sports Illustrated) “Rams head coach Sean McVay.”
The NFL playoffs are here, and 18 teams have seemingly gone to waste in the putrid toxicity known as their own stench. It reeks just about as much as kicker Brett Maher missing extra points, or Georgia scoring endless touchdowns against TCU in the National Championship. It’s time to see what went wrong for these teams this year.
New England Patriots (8-9): The one major problem looming over this team was their terrible offensive play-calling from offensive coaches Matt Patricia and Joe Judge. They did awful at their jobs. Please fire them out of a cannon and have them buzz off.
New York Jets (7-10): The less said about this mediocre franchise, the better. There’s having a hot start, and then there is quarterback Zach Wilson failing as the team is engulfed in flames. Seriously, Jets, fold the team.
Las Vegas Raiders (6-11): This is why hiring New England’s used parts in head coach Josh McDaniels is about as effective as TCU’s defense against Georgia in the National Championship Game. Also, quarterback Derek Carr is more than likely gone. You did it to yourselves, Vegas. Bankrupt at the slots.
Denver Broncos (5-12): Broncos Country, just freaking why? Head coach Nathaniel Hackett proved to be a total Hack-ett (no, I am not sorry for the pun) and was terrible for the job. Buckle up, boys. It is going to be a long and brutal off-season.
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-8): Head coach Mike Tomlin used witchcraft to get the Steelers to an above .500 record. And what do you know, they still suck. What a dud of a team.
Cleveland Browns (7-10): The comical basement dwellers are, once again, in the basement of the division. No one feels bad for you, Cleveland. You made stupid choices and lived with the consequences. We all just laugh at you now.
Tennessee Titans (7-10): Okay, Tennessee, how the heck did you lose your last seven games in a row? You let the Jaguars beat you for the AFC South title. There is no one to blame but yourselves. Hell, the college football Tennessee Volunteers team had a better record than you. Being outdone by a college team that’s in-state? Embarrassing.
Indianapolis Colts (4-12-1): 33-0. That game defines your entire season. If tying the Texans in week one was not enough, you one-upped yourselves by losing to them. Owner Jim Irsay, sell the team and you will get all the guitars you could ever want. And take your yes-man head coach Jeff Saturday with you on the way out.
Houston Texans (3-13-1): Congratulations, Texans. You fumbled the 1st overall pick away faster than the Los Angeles Chargers fumbled away a 27-0 lead in the Wild Card Round. Chuck this team into the sun and salt the area so nothing grows again.
Washington Commanders (8-8-1): Bringing in quarterback Carson Wentz was a mistake. Dan Snyder being your owner is a mistake. This entire franchise was a mistake. Get out of our sight.
Los Angeles Rams (5-12): Everyone was injured, quarterback Matt Stafford went back to Detroit Mode and now you are mediocre again. The Super Bowl hangover is real.
Arizona Cardinals (4-13): Hey, Kliff Kingsbury, can you take this trash heap of a franchise with you? It didn’t help that quarterback Kyler Murray got injured on a non-contact play. These Cardinals are just stale. Time for another change.
Detroit Lions (9-8): Considering this was a massive improvement from last year, they have a lot of upsides. They just need to keep it up. This is the only team in this article that is getting complimented for not being in the playoffs.
Green Bay Packers (8-9): Well, it seems like time caught up with quarterback Aaron Rodgers. When it finally did, he got smacked back to reality. Time to retire, Rodgers. Or go to the Jets for a season like quarterback Brett Favre did.
Chicago Bears (3-14): This will be an interesting off-season for the Bears. They have the 1st pick, nearly $100 million in cap, and just a lot to look ahead to. They’ll screw it up. Just watch.
Carolina Panthers (7-10): They looked dead all year long, and no one feels bad for this team. On the bright side…oh wait, there is none. Well, time to sell the team again.
New Orleans Saints (7-10): Injuries, injuries, injuries. It could not escape this team’s fate: total and utter failure. Tank division reigns supreme. Nothing troubling here.
Atlanta Falcons (7-10): Congratulations, Atlanta, you were chosen to be the neutral site for the AFC Title Game…oh. You choked a 50,000-ticket sale lead? Well, time to laugh at the Falcons again because they deserve the “memedom.”