(Photo courtesy of Victoria Advocate) “Patriots backup quarterback Bailey Zappe runs from Packers linebacker Rashan Gary.”
Tanner Hume
Connector Editor
Week three was really something. There were the good moments of the week, and then there were the really, really ugly moments. This weekly review is probably going to be the ugliest one that has been done. Buckle up.
Dolphins: 15 (3-1) @ Bengals: 27 (2-2): The game itself doesn’t even matter. Sure, both teams looked solid, but this game was overshadowed by something ugly and horrendous. Tua Tagovailoa, the undisputed franchise quarterback for these Dolphins, suffered a very ugly hit and went into the fencing position. We hope he has a speedy recovery from that horrific incident.
Vikings: 28 (3-1) @ Saints: 25 (1-3): Double doink. A double doink by the Saints. And when the game was on the line too. Good work, Saints. You are now the trash left behind from Mardi Gras. The Vikings chant “skol” reigns throughout the night.
Seahawks: 48 (2-2) @Lions: 45 (1-3): Well, what do football fans have here? An offensive juggernaut of a football match between two teams that cannot get their stuff together. At least it was a fun game to watch. Good show, jolly good show.
Jets: 24 (2-2) @ Steelers: 20 (1-3): Code Green is now in effect. The New York “Buttfumble Association” has won a football game. It helps when you have your starting quarterback Zach Wilson back from injury. This won’t last long.
Bears: 12 (2-2) @ Giants: 20 (3-1): What kind of world is humanity in that the New York “Derp Society” is 3-1 in 2022? Maybe cleaning the front office was the best thing that could have happened to this franchise. Time will only tell. Bears, you’re done. Pack it up.
Titans: 24 (2-2) @ Colts: 17 (1-2-1): Indy, please tell everyone that you are joking. Please say sike right now. Because there is no way that you really played poorly against a team that was supposed to be worse than you. Colts owner Jim Irsay, sell the team, buy your guitars and leave.
Chargers: 34 (2-2) @ Texans: 24 (0-3-1): This had the most obvious outcome in NFL History. Either it was the explosive might of the Chargers or the dumpster fire known as the Texans. Chargers thankfully won. Houston, there is a major problem.
Browns: 20 (2-2) @ Falcons: 23 (2-2): Cleveland, you were meant to win, not give the Atlanta Falcons, or the “kings of choking”, the win.
Commanders: 10 (1-3) @ Cowboys: 25 (3-1): The Dallas Cowboys, or the United States, versus the Washington “Commies,” or the Soviet Union. The Cold War has finally come to the NFL. The Cowboys outplayed Washington and quarterback Carson Wentz. No one was surprised.
Jaguars: 21 (2-2) @ Eagles: 29 (4-0): Fly Eagles fly, you beat the Jaguars. The undefeated streak lives for at least another week. Is this team legit? Probably yes.
Bills: 23 (3-1) @ Ravens: 20 (2-2): It appears that while the Ravens were up 20-3, Edgar Allen Poe had risen from the dead to put the team to sleep with his famous poems. It shows in the way Baltimore lost. Fitting.
Cardinals: 26 (2-2) @ Panthers: 16 (1-3): Poor Carolina, even with all that talent, you have shown to be nothing more than a mere mirage in the football landscape, as you are now 1-3 on the season.
Broncos: 23 (2-2) @ Raiders: 32 (1-3): Dear FBI, Broncos country would like to file a formal report against head coach Nathaniel Hackett. They want to report him for tampering with the team’s success and not letting quarterback Russell Wilson cook enough. Please arrest him and good day to you.
Patriots: 24 (1-3) @ Packers: 27 (3-1) (OT): Welp. The Patriots cannot catch a break, can they? First, it was quarterback Mac Jones with the ankle injury, and now it’s backup quarterback Brian Hoyer with a concussion. Entering is third string quarterback and 2022 draft pick Bailey Zappe. He performed… decently well. Not the best outing by a rookie, but he is the first rookie quarterback this season to throw a touchdown pass. Agony, thy name is Packers kicker Mason Crosby.
Chiefs: 41 (3-1) @ Buccaneers: 31 (2-2): Thankfully, this game happened in Tampa Bay as Hurricane Ian remained south. What was ugly, however, was the Buccaneers’ defense when trying to stop quarterback Patrick Mahomes. Because when they try that, it is completely useless. Good try Buccaneers, but you failed.
Rams: 9 (2-2) @ 49ers: 24 (2-2): The Niners actually held the Rams’ offense back? Well, alright then. Maybe that defense is worth something. Also, wide receiver Deebo Samuel is a living legend who can break through tackles with ease. Treat him well, San Fran.
