(Photo courtesy of Baltimore Sports and Life) “Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson rushes past Patriots defenders.”
Tanner Hume
Connector Editor
Week three was filled with games that saw teams win, even though they probably should not have. But nonetheless, here is the weekly review.
Steelers: 17 (1-2), Browns: 29 (2-1): Steelers, what was that? All we saw out there was pure flatulence on a football field. The offense looked weak, but wow, can wide receiver George Pickens catch. The defense without pass rusher TJ Watt is Swiss cheese and special teams can’t hold on to the ball. Congrats, Cleveland. You’re not mediocre. For now.
Saints: 14 (1-2), Panthers: 22 (1-2): Oh, would you look at that? The Panthers have talent after all. Too bad it took you three weeks to realize that. Good to see that running back Christian McCaffery can still be elite… when he’s healthy, that is.
Texans: 20 (0-2-1), Bears: 23 (2-1): Houston is still inept, and Chicago wins off the back of running back Khalil Herbert. Enough said.
Chiefs: 17 (2-1), Colts: 20 (1-1-1): How? Just how? Like, the Chiefs really lost to the Colts? Well then, surely the AFC West couldn’t get any worse this week. Right?
Bills: 19 (2-1), Dolphins: 21 (3-0): Two words summarize this game and will forever live in football memedom: Butt Punt. That is all.
Lions: 24 (1-2), Vikings: 28 (2-1): There we go, there’s the Minnesota people expected to come out of the gate this season. Holding on to the game when it matters the most. Good work. As for Detroit, time is ticking. Fix the holes in your team.
Ravens: 37 (2-1), Patriots: 26 (1-2): Ok, this game was a lot closer than some were expecting this to be. With the addition of linebacker Jason Pierre-Paul, the Ravens fill in the depth void on their roster. New England on the other hand, their playoff hopes are sprained, just like quarterback Mac Jones’s ankle.
Bengals: 27 (1-2), Jets: 12 (1-2): The New York Jets everyone, a team where any semblance of hope gets recycled and re-made into disappointment. Constant disappointment. Every year with this team. Maybe coaching wasn’t the problem.
Raiders: 22 (0-3), Titans: 24 (1-2): Oh, so the AFC West is cursed. Well then, this is Exhibit B: The Las Vegas Raiders are the only 0-3 team in the league, and everyone does nothing but laugh. Rightfully so.
Eagles: 24 (3-0), Commanders: 8 (1-2): Last week it was the Lions and now this week it’s the Eagles seizing the means of production away from the Commies. In all seriousness, this game was just terrible. Outright horrible. It’s the NFC East, so no shock there.
Jaguars: 38 (2-1), Chargers: 10 (1-2): Okay, hell has frozen over. The 2022 NFL Season is cursed. Because there is no way on God’s green earth that the Jacksonville Jaguars beat a legitimate team in the Los Angeles Chargers. Sure, injuries played a factor in this game for the Chargers, but come on this should have been a cakewalk. No one feels sorry for you, Chargers.
Rams: 20 (2-1), Cardinals: 12 (2-1): The bi-annual tradition of beating down the inferior division rivals. The Rams, currently on a bounce back from Week one, beat down the Cardinals handily. Seems like quarterback Kyler Murray was too busy on the Call of Duty beta to care.
Falcons: 27 (1-2), Seahawks: 23 (1-2): Wait, the Falcons didn’t choke? They actually held on to win? What is even happening in the NFL anymore? Because this week completely screwed everything up. Seattle, panic mode is in full effect.
Packers: 14 (2-1), Buccaneers: 12 (2-1): A game where no valuable receivers exist. It proves that without them, these two legendary quarterbacks in Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady are really just… a shadow of their former selves. Time is an unfriendly game.
49ers: 10 (1-2), Broncos: 11 (2-1): Broncos Country, let’s ride… into a very, very ugly game where the offenses did practically nothing. Also, quarterback Jimmy G warmed former quarterback Dan Orlovsky’s heart with that foot out of bounds. Congrats, Denver. You are actually on top of the AFC West. For now.
Cowboys: 23 (2-1), Giants: 16 (2-1): False hope was injected into the veins of Giants fans everywhere the first two weeks. Dallas decided to smack them all back into reality, by revealing quarterback Daniel Jones as nothing more than an imposter, and promptly voted him off the ship. This is why you never get your hopes up in the NFL.
