This article was originally sent to The Connector during the waning weeks of the last semester. Due to some shuffling around of articles at that time, including the publication of former Editor-in-Chief Taylor Carito’s farewell letter, we were unable to fit it in last semester.
However, due to recent events highlighting how harrowing depression can be, I remembered this very strong piece by Serena. There is no better time to publish an article with such an important message than now.
I encourage UMass Lowell students struggling with their mental health to get in touch with the Wellness Center, located on the third floor of University Crossing, and with friends and family to build a strong support network.
– Hannah Manning, Editor-in-Chief
A girl who is always yearning for adventure will always seem to find fault in the simple parts of life. This room is too small, this one’s too crowded, too confined, too suffocating, too controlling, too plastic. A girl who is always yearning for adventure hates the expected. She hated when people’s behaviors become predictable. She needs spice, she craves new places, exciting memories, new faces, and delectable tastes. She needs someone who she can encourage to live life like everyday’s their last, like every minute is priceless.
The life of a manic pixie dream girl is that she never seems to fit in anywhere! The reason being, she constantly looks for things in life that do not exist! Adventure is not a constant state of being, rather the feeling that if you embark on this adventure, you will escape the pain and suffering you feel in your current state. However, the truth is that life itself is the adventure. It’s the uphill battles, the crazy turns, the unexpected hits along the way. It’s the amazing rewards you gain after the incredibly tough times!
The girl only seems to see the beauty in life when she is doing something she is passionate about, and the minute it is over she sees her life as a dark mundane slow pointless ride. The ride does not provide her with creativity nor passion, and she wakes up every day in a grey fog of confusion as to the true meaning of life. She wonders, why am I doing what I do every day? Why do I try? Why do I care? All the obvious answers come up. My family, my future, money. But there used to be a deeper reason, there used to be a passion, a fire that ignited her every morning. Was it just her activity? She’d like to think otherwise, however she trudged on every day without an answer.
She sees people in color and wonders why she sees herself in black and white. Does everyone see me like this? Am I exposed? Or am I hiding my darkness and providing fake colors for the world to see? Where are my real colors, who stole them? The constant state of unwinding and winding deciphers the girl’s life. When she is winding up she is eating less, talking more, never sleeping, tightening and tightening until the lights shut off. She then begin to unwind, and slowly and slowly she begins to let herself go. She regrets plans she makes, eats all the time to “cure” her sadness, and is in a constant state of low self-worth. Thus, she isolates herself in her room, which makes her feel even more alone. She stays up way too late watching television so she can bask in the only time of the day when the demons are asleep, but sleeps way too late to keep them at bay. Sometimes she stops talking in group conversations, because she feels like her opinions are irrelevant or stupid. She doesn’t feel like herself anymore. She feels lost. She wants to find herself again. But the darkness has taken over. She can’t see anything, it’s too foggy. She can’t save herself.
You can save yourself. If you are suffering from depression, please reach out to the Wellness Center. Please tell your friends how you feel. Do not isolate yourself, and make yourself think you are not worthy. You are worthy of love. You are not alone. You are a beautiful human being, and your sadness is important. Contact a therapist, speak to the wellness center, attend yoga classes, make more friends. Find someone who makes you a better version of yourself. You are not gone forever, just lost, help yourself be found.