(Photo courtesy of “The boy, the Mole, the fox and the Horse”) A fox caught in a snare.

Jesse Nguyen
Connector Staff

Someone’s sexuality should be a tiny portion of what makes them who they are. People have so much to offer other than their sexual preferences; we all have different hobbies, aspirations, skills and talents that are entirely unique to us. Who our partner is or what we find attractive should be a minuscule detail about us.
I wish it were this way, but I cannot act like my sexuality, the one I was born with, hasn’t been a major point of conflict in my life, in tandem with my Vietnamese ethnicity. 

Being gay and Asian, my whole life is spent fighting against these bubbles society and sociological systems have placed upon me. I have to deal with racism that has been built and upheld by generations. They enforce that Asian men lack strength, are effeminate, docile and are subservient to higher systems of power. Tiger parenting and the strive for perfection still rings true in Asian families today too; parents expect their children to be nothing short of excellent and perfect. This includes a perfect family composed of a husband, a beautiful wife and children.  

Anything other than that is subject to shame and disownment. I wrestle with my Asian identity, but then I have to navigate the hypersexual, fake world of being gay, where looks are everything, everyone is on steroids and Grindr and Sniffies have made public indecency and no strings hookups the norm.  

It sems like a lot to navigate, so what does all this create? Loneliness. I think this is an experience many gay men relate to, which is that we feel like we don’t necessarily belong anywhere. Trying to make friends with straight men feels impossible, as they often interact with each other within their own homosocial world that is upheld by patriarchal ideals and is powered by male validation. On the other hand, making friends with women can give gay men comfort, as they understand what it feels like to be oppressed. However, women aren’t gay men, so a full level of relatability feels impossible due their inherent differences in the world. Gay men at the end of the day are still men, so they benefit from the same privileges men do. Women unfortunately do not get this luxury.  

So, the next logical choice is to befriend other queer folks, until you realize a lot of them view each other as competition. Even though two gay men could share the same experiences and difficulties, they’ll find a way to belittle and bully each other anyway. So gay men can end up in a never-ending loophole of very surface level relationships.  

Outside of interpersonal relationships, in public life, I’ve heard all the small remarks and offhand comments on campus about me and my supposed femineity, my weaknesses, the way I walk, the way I talk and the way I exist. I’ve noticed people’s long stares at me, their dirty looks and their mumbles of gossip. I’ve noticed that in conjunction with the culture created on social media of masculine men dominating everything, more men and women have felt emboldened to be homophobic just for the sake of it. Even if it’s not directed towards me, overhearing someone’s blatant disrespect toward people like me has me feeling some kind of way.  

To clarify, this is not the fault of UMass Lowell. UMass Lowell has done an excellent job of making LGBTQ+ students feel welcomed, with their wellness center and LGBTQ+ resource center being really valuable for students like me. But I know with full knowledge that I’ll never escape this, no matter what university I attend or what job I land. These types of people unfortunately exist in every corner of the world, and there is only so much institutions can do.  

Being gay is special. It makes you fundamentally different. It makes you navigate life in clever, smart ways. You learn how to sense people and their intentions from a mile away, and you can read in between the lines effectively. I lend a lot of my skills to the fact that I had to navigate life like this. Being able to draw and paint, write, play piano, develop video games, cook and figure skate are all products of the life I’ve lived. But being gay is also hard, tortuous and difficult. It can be lonely, desolate and hopeless at times, especially in today’s political climate. Being gay most certainly isn’t a choice, but I don’t wish to change the way I was born.  

I often think that being gay in this world is like being a fox, and the rest of the world is a wolf. Wolves are more powerful, confident, merciless and work in packs. Foxes are weaker, have a reputation of evil and deceitful, but in reality, only use their cunning to survive and navigate the world the only way they know how.